we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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