A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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