P.S. I can't hear my feet
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize