Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
