so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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