So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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