I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
