I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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