I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
