There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
