Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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