absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
