I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
