the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
