either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
