so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
