just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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