Duck Duck Cougar?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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