My room smells like vodka and shame
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
