I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
