woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
