Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
