I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
