she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize