Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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