Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize