think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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