imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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