I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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