i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
