I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
