I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Randomize