Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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