I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
