I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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