tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dignity is for republicans.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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