I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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