its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
