Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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