yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
