Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
