I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize