I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
