I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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