i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ๐๐#pensacolaproblems
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isnโt very good.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize