I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
