Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
