Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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