I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
