Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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