Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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