I hate all girls vehemently.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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