do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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