We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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