I didn't shave. On purpose
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
