I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
