You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
