I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
