Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize