I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I want a musical about memes.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
