Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
