He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
