How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
