You smell like a Billy Joel song
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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