We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
