I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
