Taylor Swift is so right about you.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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