she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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