we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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