she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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