Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
