I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
