My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
