can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
