the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
barbara walters just said penis...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
