Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
