i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
farters have to be the big spoon...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
