God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
