Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
