Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
