I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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