just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
