Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
