I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
