I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
