I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I need a burrito and a hug.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
