This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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