Only a mothe r could love this liver
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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