dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize