thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
