Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
