Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
