I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
