i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
