Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
