The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Hippo gnu deer
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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