The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Even my vagina gasped.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
