Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
