I cannot find my penis.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
