he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
