I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
